How to Raise a Happy, Healthy Teenager
So, you thought the terrible twos were bad huh? Welcome to the teenage years.
I have two gorgeous children, my boy is now 19 and my girl 16 (had to update that!)
So far, the teenager thing is a little challenging but not too bad! I certainly don’t have all the answers but I wanted to share my tips on what is working for us. I would love you to share your tips too, so please add them as a comment.
♥ Love bomb. Just because they are all grown up now, doesn’t mean you should stop hugging and kissing and telling your kids how much you love them. Keep it up, even if they resist. Find sneaky ways to love bomb them, like sending them a message on Facebook! Take them on one-on-one dates to the movies or out for dinner. Look for anyway you can think of to make them feel loved, always.
♥ Talk. Keep the lines of communication open and make the time to talk regularly. Always have dinner together at the table where everyone can chat about their day. For more personal chats, I find going for a walk with my kids really useful. They are more likely to open up when it’s in a relaxed setting, away from distractions and not face to face in ‘interrogation mode’.
♥ Establish boundaries. I have a fairly relaxed style of parenting – I let my kids pretty much do what they want, within reason. There are certain things I won’t tolerate though. Rudeness, disrespect, hurting each other, etc. Make some firm boundaries, let the kids know what they are and have consequences for stepping over the boundaries.
♥ Choose your battles. Best bit of parenting advice, EVER! So what if what they are wearing looks weird (to us!) or they want a wacky hairstyle? These are the small things. Save your energy and angst for the big things that really matter – their safety and wellbeing.
♥ Respect their privacy. Give them some space and respect their right to privacy. You will notice there are no photos of my son on the blog lately and that’s because he doesn’t want to appear anymore. Fair enough.
♥ Make your home a safe haven. Teenage years can be tough – negotiating school, friendships, work and romance! Making your home a relaxed, loving environment where they can de-stress. It keeps them close to you and they will come to you for help, advice and validation, rather than looking elsewhere for these things. Keep the nagging to a minimum and the love bombing and fun a priority.
♥ Feed them good, nourishing food and teach them how to cook it. This is so, so important! Fill your pantry with good, healthy food so they always have something good to snack on. I also have taught both kids how to cook as it’s such an important life skill. Get them involved in the weekly menu plan and ask them to cook one night a week for the family. I find appetite is so variable at this age, so I just relax about food and let them choose what and when they eat to some extent. As long as there is good food available, they will be fine. I always try to have healthy snacks with lots of protein for growing bodies ready for them (like bliss balls). Don’t be too hung up on a bit of junk food that they might choose to buy with their own money. Let them explore and make choices.
♥ Encourage activity. So many studies show that sport and exercise is vital for growing bodies and good mental health. Get the kids involved in sport or just going for a familywalk or bike ride.
♥ Use technology with respect. Establish boundaries around the use of technology. We like no phones or gadgets in bed at night as they interfere with sleep. Talk to teens about being safe online. Have rules about appropriate use of phones ie not at the dinner table! Find out some more tips about limiting screen time.
♥ Acne. Please refer to my blog, Natural Acne Remedies for help with acne. Don’t nag kids about it or make them feel bad, give some gentle guidance and help.
♥ Coping skills. I really think this needs to be taught in schools! Coping safely and effectively with emotions and stress is so important. Teach them things like yoga, meditation, relaxation exercises, essential oils and EFT to handle this crazy time.
♥ Give responsibility. Teenagers should contribute to the smooth running of the household. Work out some chores you would like them to do. Make them responsible for the cleanliness of their own spaces. Gradually give them more and more responsibility for things like their lunches, laundry and transport. They don’t learn life skills if you keep doing everything for them.
♥ Get support. There is so much support out there. Here are some of my favourite resources that I use:
The Kids are All Right website. A fabulous Aussie website with forums and blog articles. Ask questions, find information, feel better!
Scarleteen website. This is a sex education website presented in a teen friendly way.
I am such a book worm and I like reading parenting books. Here are some that I have found really helpful in various ways.
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
He’ll be OK: Growing Gorgeous Boys into Good Men
The Complete Secrets of Happy Children: A Guide for Parents
♥ Teenager Blend. This blend of Australian Bushflower Essences has been a god-send! I tell everyone to get their kids onto this if they are struggling. We notice a big change when the kids take their Teenager drops! Go here to order and find out more about the essences.
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I know all kids and all situations are different, but I hope some of these tips are useful for you. We seem to just struggle through the best we can and so far it’s working out okay. I would love you to leave a comment and talk about what is working for you. The more information we can share, the better.
Do the best you can. Breathe. Persist. Love.
This is probably one of my favourite blogs of yours to date…I love everything about it. you have covered so much and it should be read by every parent with a teen. Please remind me of this in 10 or so years!! Loving the love bombing <3 <3
thanks so much for contributing your wisdom too – love bombing can start at any age but I am pretty sure you are already doing lots of it 🙂
Such a gorgeous blog post I am filing for my future teenagers but lessons are here for all ages 🙂
It’s toddler taming, with tweaks! 🙂
Great resources Sonia – I’ll bookmark the for the future!
thanks Wendy 🙂
Bravo – spot on! My kids(2) are in their late teens now and I have used all those methods. Two things I would add are – #1 with regard to subjects at school let them choose to their strengths. They will absolutely do much better academically, and suffer less anguish/stress if they play to their strengths. #2 Have a weekly family meeting where anything can be discussed without prejudice. We usually have ours after dinner because everyone is already there.
great tips Susan!! we have family meetings when things are getting a bit out of hand or someone is upset, but I like the idea of every week!
Great tip about the family meetings I wiil try it.
Your kids are exactly the same age and gender as mine, Sonia! Great post!
oh really? that’s cool! how is it going for you? you are in UK yes?
Great tips. I will have to remember all of these for the future!
x
thanks Kelly! it will come around quicker than you can blink!
What a pity I will never get to use your great tips. My girls made a wish to the fairies that they would stay little forever and I joined in – so that’s that then!
On a serious note, I’m feeling quite prepared for the teen years. I know there is no way they could be worse than mine!
You will ace the teen years with all your knowledge, skills and big heart.
SO much great advice Sonia. And you are still in the early stages! Sounds like you have it more together than I did 🙂 Thanks for mentioning The Kids Are All Right too – glad it helps 🙂
Don’t get me wrong, some days are still a challenge, but I am getting there!!! 😉
Gawd, I love this post Sonia… am terrified of the prospect of teenagers, even though I know it’s still a decade away. Love BOMBS. That is the bomb. Thanks for you positive, practical approach. x
Thanks Jo ! I am sure you will breeze through the teen years!
Fantastic advice Sonia! So many useful tips here – some I have already implemented but many others were timely reminders. Even though my girls are only 10 and 11 and a half, we are finding the hormones and girl angst hits quite hard every no and then and it really is batten down the hatches LOL! I’m off to order some essences and extra reading – love your work xxx
thanks Mel – I am sure with such a loving and gorgeous Mum as yourself they will feel loved always (but yes, the essences take the edge off!)
Good ideas for early teenage years.. I wonder what advice you will have once your kids are on the other side of teenage land.
Thanks for the great tips my son has just turned 13 & it came with an attitude lol Plus I have 2 other sons to go so fingers crossed this will help to mould beautiful, strong man.
Thank you for those great tips! I have a 14 year old daughter and I am finding this is the age that she needs even more attention, time and love. It is a difficult time hormonially for teens too. I have found that the product that we have called Plus (this supports the endrocrine system and has one of the highest concentrations of natural plant based phytosterols on the market 100% plant based), Omegas with Vit D (Natural sourced) and glyconutrients, have made a huge difference for her and me 🙂
thanks for sharing that Naomi – sounds fab!
If you read this – could you let me know what this product is?
Great Blog… I also have a 12 yr old girl, at times fun seeing her grow. Other times i wish i could zap her into a Jenie Bottle for a later date!! lol..I would love to get some ADOl Essence, but cant connect through the “here” button!
Any suggestions??
thanks Gerri ! Here is the link or try your local health food store too http://naughtynaturopathmum.wordpress.com/2013/03/05/australian-bush-flower-essences/
Your ideas and thoughts are excellent and provide a fantastic foundation for families to work through the teen years. Home certainly does become a place for teens to recharge.
Please remember that the big difference in the teen years is that your child’s greatest influences are now outside their home. School, sports groups, friends, facebook become the greatest influences and while this is natural it is also very difficult to monitor, accept and control to any degree (and believe me you will wish you could when your teen daughter comes home hurt).
I too would have said the teen years were a breeze when my son was 14 and my daughter was 11. Believe me it gets harder, it can be heartbreaking and bewildering. We live in a much different age to when we were teens.
As a person who studied psychology in college, I love the sound advice in this article. Thanks for posting it!
I featured this article in my round up of “How to raise a” articles. Check it out: http://sallysbabies.com/how-to-raise-a-round-up/
As a mother of two teenage girls (14 & 15) I love all you have said in this article. I had a fantastic role model with my own mum (I have 3 sisters – I don’t know how she coped with all our dramas!) and I try to offer my girls the same loving guidance she gave to me. She was supportive and allowed us our freedom, but we had boundaries and certainly knew to respect her decision as final. She gave us a safe place to fall when we needed it – never judging us and she never made any issue feel small or insignificant. I always try to stop what I am doing when one of my girls comes in to talk with me, even if it’s just about the smallest of things – I give them my full attention. Parenting is hard, no doubt about it!
Thanks for stopping by Jo! Attention is so important – moreso in these days of phones and social media! xxx