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Reclaiming Motherhood

February 10, 2021 · Leave a Comment

Reclaiming Motherhood by Anna Grillo

Reclaiming Motherhood

by Anna Grillo

I came across the following quote the other day, and it got me thinking of my journey towards reclaiming motherhood. 

I was adamant I wasn’t going to be a typical mother; a stay at home mum, who solely looked after her kids. What kind of life would that be – one that revolved around her children’s needs?

What about my needs? What about my important career? One that fuelled my sense of self worth? Who would I be without my regular feedback of external cues, where I sat on the organisation chart, without the yearly pay rises and bonuses that let me know who I was and where I was at?

 

These things were much more exciting, important, and priority in my mind.

 

Society had filled my subconscious with the ‘right’ way to do things – school, go to uni, get the job, climb the corporate ladder, live in the (right) suburbs, get married, have kids, send them to private school, keep climbing the ladder of success while collecting more, doing more, but never speaking up, never stopping, never deviating from the plan, don’t complain, be grateful, and keep going.

It didn’t matter that I had digestive, chronic fatigue, and menstruation issues.

It didn’t matter that I had no social life, too exhausted and drained to be bothered to show up and be present in my interactions.

In my mind, what mattered was that I ticked off the next thing on the list, and performed.

When it came time to start our family, my cycle suddenly had other ideas. I recognised that stress was actually a problem, and had to decide whether I was going to go for prevention rather than the cure.

 

In the secret whisperings of my heart, I knew there was something more.

 

Something that allowed me to create change for individuals and uplift and energise and have the courage to be who they truly were.  And it needed to start with me.

So I decided to leave my corporate job and start on my journey of self discovery by studying Kinesiology.

On my last day of work, I found out I was pregnant.

I started studying, gestating myself as well as my daughter, until she physically joined us earth side.

What a journey – what joy, what bliss, the agony and the ecstasy. And once she arrived, something within me said slow down.

Of course I didn’t listen.

Because while I was transitioning to a lifestyle that was more aligned and attuned with my life purpose, I still had the stigma of what motherhood portrayed lingering in my subconscious.

I still felt as though I needed to do it all. To have a thriving business, to see clients straight away, fill my calendar, to push aside the time I could have used to recharge, regenerate, and renew myself, because that’s what successful women do right?

 

My addiction to stress and pleasing others was on overdrive.

 

I knew something had to change when sending my kids into the school system just didn’t resonate for them or myself at all.

I knew they would thrive being able to follow their own education and learning on their own terms.

Diving deep into homeschooling was an integral lesson to my hidden self saboteurs of measure of self worth against societal standards.

To give away perceived success to …. stay at home and be with my kids?

But my heart and soul would not be quiet.

It required me to change. As I read about home education philosophies, strongly entwined amongst the words was the reclamation of motherhood. The importance and significance of  nourishing and nurturing small minds, as well as our own.

To slow down and to soften.

Knowing that I had to reprogram my thoughts and beliefs from the ground up, I invested in working through my addictions to stress, other people’s opinions, and ticking off the to do list.

And over time, things changed. I changed.

I stopped overthinking, worrying, and trying to prove myself.

I stopped comparing myself against ‘others’.

And I started dropping into my heart and listening to within. I started slowing down. 

I became more confident speaking up on centering children. That we can’t talk about what is best for women without also looking at what is best for our children as well.

To be proud of the significance of the role we are here to play. How we shift and evolve as our children do as well.

The importance of mothers, and trusting the innate instinctual that we have to protect, grow, and nurture our children.

Even when it goes against western society’s norms.

It required total surrender, deep faith, trust in myself, kindness and compassion, as well as a shitload of courage.

Reclaiming motherhood has absolutely been a journey that I’ve been on. I’ve resisted daily with what society has viewed motherhood as, and what it means for me as a woman, how it’s portrayed in media and reflected throughout society, priming the subconscious where we feel we are constantly battling something unseen and not understood but deeply felt.

 

We turn the tables on what we are fed by our societal influences, and instead focus on what it is we truly want.

 

Becoming aware is the first step. What stories have you been sold about what motherhood is? What resonates, and what doesn’t?

The second step is connecting in with what the highest vision could be for you and your family. If you didn’t have to worry about time, money, or other people’s expectations, what do you know in your heart of hearts, is the best for your family?

What we focus on, we attract.

So I invite you to do an audit on what social cues you are currently receiving that may not be conducive to a harmonious family environment that you are truly craving. One that matches what your vision of motherhood is.

Motherhood by heart – connecting in with your heart frequency and listening to the whisperings within.

 

About Anna:

Anna Grillo is a Mindset Mentor, Soul Connector & Holistic Business Strategist, helping well-being practitioners and purpose driven professionals transform fear and doubt into unlimited peace, joy, and ease.

When she’s not home educating her kids, she combines her well-being experience as an EFT Practitioner, Kinesiologist, Spiritual Companion, Freedom From Self Sabotage Coach with over twenty years of corporate human resources, business strategy, and leadership development to support those who have the courage to realise the highest version of themselves so they can create a soul led location independent lifestyle.

Follow Anna:

True Self Website

True Self Facebook

True Self Instagram

 

 

Filed In: FAMILY / Tagged: home-schooling, motherhood

How to find time for yourself when you are a busy mum

September 20, 2018 · 6 Comments

How to find time for yourself when you are a busy mum

 

We had a brilliant conversation in our Natural New Age Mums’ Facebook group the other day (email me to join!)

It was all about how to find time for yourself when you are a busy mum, how we find opportunities for self-care, how we ‘fill our bucket’ and try to maintain a healthy balance.

I guess the main message is this : you are important, your health, happiness and well-being is important. We don’t have to sacrifice all that to be a good mum. In fact, we are better mums when we do take time out to take care of ourselves.

Don’t forget that by taking time out for ourselves, we role model to our children all sorts of messages about self-worth, self-care, health and wellness and that joy and fun are important!

As someone who has been through burn out, I can’t stress how important it is to really find time to take care of yourself. If there is a piece of advice I could give to mums with small kids, it would be to entrench the habit of self-care early on.

If you get to the point of overwhelm, that’s too late! You might think you are doing okay but the stress can creep up on you slowly until one day you burn out. It’s so much better to incorporate self-care into your daily and weekly routine as a preventative strategy.

Here are some tips and advice from me (and some of my awesome community).

 

♥ Get Organised

A little time spent getting organised, setting up routines, minimising clutter and making up meal plans means you can use your time more efficiently and have some time left over for yourself. If you are constantly chasing your tail you will just get more overwhelmed and stressed!

 

♥ Make a List

I often have had unexpected kid-free time and panicked, wondering what exactly I should do to make the most of this precious time? Put things on your list that take from as little as five minutes up to two days so you always have a variety of things to choose from.

What exactly is it that you enjoy doing, what things make you happy, fulfilled and balanced? Are there activities that make you feel refreshed and re-energised?

What one person would think of as self-care or me-time can look totally different to someone else’s and your own definition can change from day to day as well! One day you might need brunch with a friend, another day you might need some quiet time reading a book. Even doing laundry might be just what you need to feel better that day. There are no rules!

 

♥ Focus on what really matters

Once you have kids, your time is not your own anymore! It helps to really focus on the important things in your life- like your health and happiness and your family – and allocate your time there. Don’t waste time doing things you hate, spending time with people you hate, doing things out of obligation or getting caught up in other people’s drama.

 

♥ Outsource

You can get back some of your time by letting someone else do some of your things. If there is something you really hate doing or never have time for, then try to outsource it. Mowing the lawn, washing the car, ironing! All these things can be outsourced. If the budget is tight, outsource to your kids or partner.

 

♥ Just Say No

Your health and happiness has to come first, so if you really don’t want to do something or you simply just know it will just add to your overwhelm, just say no. You don’t have to explain or make up excuses, you can simply say, “‘No, that’s not going to work for me.”

 

♥ Ask For Help

I know this seems so obvious, but are we good at asking for help? When things are getting crazy and you can’t cope anymore, reach out. It really does take a village to raise a child, so don’t be afraid to ask when things are getting tough.

 

♥ Share the childcare

As mums, we are often the ones doing the primary amount of childcare. It’s okay to share that! Your kids can still be happy when spending time with other people. In fact, it’s good for them to find a little independence.

Make a list of who can share the childcare with you. It might be your partner, parents, family, friends or a daycare centre. You might consider hiring an au pair or even a teenager to come over and watch the kids while you exercise or nap!

 

♥ Find joy in five minutes

Self-care doesn’t have to be a day-spa, a massage or a weekend away with the girls (although, hello, that’s awesome too). Self-care can also can look like regular, small amounts of time to do something relaxing or fun. Finding time to add in a yoga class every week can seem overwhelming, so start small.

Take five or ten minutes to sit and have a cup of tea, do some colouring, meditate, stand outside with your face in the sun, take a quick aromatherapy shower or do some stretches. This is where your list comes in handy!

 

♥ Use waiting time

If you have periods of time when you have to wait while the kids are at their activities, make use of it. Put the seat back in your car and meditate, sit on the grass to soak up the earth’s energy or do a brisk walk around the oval.

 

♥ Get up earlier

If it works for you, get up half an hour early and use that quiet time to do something for yourself. Have a cup of tea out in the garden, do some journalling or meet a friend for a walk.

 

♥ Schedule it in and prioritise

Schedule in your self-care. You might put a monthly catch up with friends, a fortnightly date with your partner and weekly solo hours in your diary.

When my kids were toddlers, I used to pop them in casual day-care for three hours once a week. It was such a sanity-saver. Set up a regular few hours every week where someone else takes the kids. Maybe Saturday mornings can become your time to spend on yourself. Stick to it and make it happen.

 

♥ Get to the park

Get out of the house and down to the park. You can do some exercise, read a book or just soak up the sun while the kids play. Sometimes just being outside can make you feel so much better and of course, earthing and fresh air also helps!

 

♥ Make use of play rooms

Make use of places that have child-minding or play rooms. My gym had free child-minding so it was was a great incentive to take an hour out of my day to look after myself – mentally and physically. IKEA has free child-minding and a cafe so you can grab a drink and a sit-down or do a spot of shopping in peace.

 

♥ Lower your standards

If you are a bit of a perfectionist, becoming a mum has never been a better time to let go. Accept that you are never going to have a show-room house – at least until the kids move it!

Soften and allow things to be less than perfect. It’s totally okay to have mess, to feed your kids muesli for dinner and wear wrinkly clothes. We are often our own harshest critics. Be okay with the imperfect messiness of motherhood.

 

♥ Go to bed early

Use that half an hour before you fall asleep to fill your cup and recharge. Give yourself a lush body scrub, do a guided meditation or just read a book. While social media can be great, it can also zap our energy and lead to anxiety. Create space in your life that is screen-free.

 

♥ Ditch the guilt

Self-care is not selfish! Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself or leaving the kids with someone else for a bit. It’s healthy for both mums and kids to spend a little time apart. And seriously, don’t ever feel guilty about using the TV as a babysitter sometimes.

Reframe how you talk about your self-care. “Mum is going out with friends to have a fun time!” Make it upbeat and positive. Leaving kids with their dad is not babysitting – it’s parenting!

 

♥ Encourage independence

It’s perfectly okay to tell the kids you are having quiet time and to not interrupt you (easier said than done, I know!)  It’s a gentle way to introduce independence and show them that our needs are important too.

 

♥ Take advantage of nap times

Nap time isn’t always the best time to race around and do chores! Use it to have a nap yourself or do something you enjoy. The cleaning will be there later. If the kids fall asleep in the car, pop a meditation app on and lie back and enjoy the serenity!

 

♥ Single mums

Hats off to all the single mums. You are amazing! Self-care is even more important for you. The budget can be tight, so you might like to set up a bartering system with a group of friends. Swap childcare, make extra food and share it, ask for help. If you don’t have a network, find one – check out Meet Up to find people in your area.

 

♥ Working mums

Use your travel time and your lunch break (you are taking a lunch break aren’t you!!??) to squeeze in self-care. It might look like listening to your favourite podcast in the car or going for a walk in the park in your lunch break.

 

Resources:

The Art of Self Love

Buddhism for Mothers

Like Chocolate for Women

 

I hope these tips give you some ideas on how to find time for yourself when you are a busy mum.

I would love to hear from you! What are your tips and strategies for carving out time for yourself?

Share with us in the comments.

 

 

Filed In: SELF / Tagged: finding time for yourself, me time, mom time, motherhood, mum time, self care

The only 3 things you need to know to be a good mum

May 11, 2012 · 42 Comments

The only 3 things you need to know to be a good mum

The only 3 things you need to know to be a good mum

 

Motherhood is a tough gig. To smack or not to smack. Breastfeed or bottle. In your bed, out of your bed. The list goes on. But I think that quite possibly, there only 3 things you need to know to be a good mum.

There is always a plethora of experts (and non-experts too) telling you how to bring up your kids. Books, blogs, baby whisperers – who do you listen to?

Did our grandparents worry so much about parenting?

I don’t think so. When did it all get so complicated, confusing and competitive?

I have been thinking about this a lot. Now that my kids are older, I can look back at the journey and wonder why I spent so much time fretting about everything!

I was one of those mums who read loads of parenting books and magazines. I approached motherhood like I would a university assignment. I was determined to get an A + ! Not everything went to plan though and I had to learn some hard lessons.

I had to give up my desire to be ‘the perfect mum’ and just be the ‘best mum I could be’.

Anyway, in hindsight, I have come to the conclusion that there really are only three things you need to know to be a great mum.

♥  LOVE. Always come from a place of love. Always act with love. Pretty simple, right? Actually, this applies to everything in your life.

♥  MAKE YOUR KIDS A TOP PRIORITY.  When your kid’s needs are put right at the top of the list (don’t forget your own health and wellbeing), everything works. I know as soon as I start making other things a priority (like work), the cracks appear.

♥  FOLLOW YOUR HEART. I think we are born with maternal instincts. You should always follow them. Sit quietly and think. Does this feel right for me, for us as a family? The answer will come to you. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing or thinks about it. Just trust your instincts.

What do you think? Are these the only 3 things you need to know to be a good mum or would you add some more?

You might also like to read about reclaiming motherhood.

 

Filed In: FAMILY, SELF / Tagged: maternal instincts, motherhood, mum, parenting

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